hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
