OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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