i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
