i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
