so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
