Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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