areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
