Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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