i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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