how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
