Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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