If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
