I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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