i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
