I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
