While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
