I smell stomach acid.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
