dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize