if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
