Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
