I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
