if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize