Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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