They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
