Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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