I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
