Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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