Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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