they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
