my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
