They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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