she kept yelling 'call me bella'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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