Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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