quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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