we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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