toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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