She is in my trunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
