Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
