"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
