i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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