Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
