my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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