bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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