Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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