this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
