I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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