The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
