I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
