chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
