Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
