Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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