Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A+ Viking dick
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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