This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
