Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
