there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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