If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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