He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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