Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
