If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
