oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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