Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
