Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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