did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
