Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
