morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
