I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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