I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
