Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
