All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
