guys are only as good as the porn they watch
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
